We Devour
by The Kindly One
Summary: "My hunger and my desire are ruthlessly intertwined. I cannot part them. I say to myself that I would never let this ugliness touch you, but this is illusion, delusion, futility. This is madness." A dark Mika/Yu fic with mature themes and even darker outcomes.
1. Mika

We Devour

 _Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Not Seraph of the End. Nada. Nothing._

 _Mika_

This is where it began.

Here, in a dirty alleyway where angels fear to tread. Up a set of crumbling steps, to a nondescript wooden door. _The place that we used to call home._ Our family, our life. You and me. All of it sacred...

...and all of it ripped away like so much gossamer thread. Ephemeral, inconsequential.

I walk down this dark, dirty path often. I could find my way back here with my eyes closed. I know every brick, every step. Every crooked gap in the stone.

Once, I actually went up to the door. I knocked and a little boy answered. A girl, maybe his older sister, came and pulled him away. I could see the fear in her eyes, the animal terror. She knew what I was, and the loathing washed off of her like so much run-off from a storm drain. I turned and walked away. It's true what they say, you can't go home again. At least it's true for me. There's no going back from where I am.

From _what_ I am.

I walk along the dimly lit streets of the underground citadel, away from the door to my past, and an unbearable pain dogs my every step. The hunger-it gets so bad sometimes that my mind has trouble shutting it out. Only thoughts of you, of seeing you again, quells it. And sometimes even that is not enough.

Sometimes I want to devour the entire city…

You don't know what it's like, this wretched need to deny your very nature. You are far too open, too easy to read. You wear your good-naturedness, your affections, your loyalty, like a color. Your thoughts and emotions shine out from you like a diamond. But not me. I've always played certain things close to the chest. Always plotting, scheming. I used to think my ability to deceive was a virtue. Now I'm not so sure.

It's getting harder and harder for me to deny my true nature.

Sometimes I feel myself slipping, and I want so much to let go. To just give in to their taunts of, _"Take some blood, it's only here on the battlefield that we are allowed to drink directly from the source."_ And I want to so much. To just give in to it. But then I think of you, and the expression on your face, and I say no. I walk on by. I keep walking, because if I don't, the horror of it will catch up to me. The dark, ruby red truth of it. And if I slip up even once, there will be no going back. I know this. Because there are some things you can't come back from.

 _Help me. Save me from myself._

I say to myself that I want to save you. And on the calm, flat, unwavering surface of my mind this is true. But deep down beneath, where the waters are not so calm and the darkness swells, thickly churning, there is something more. Something more that I desire, and it is this: I want _you_ to save _me_. Save me from this sad charade of a life, surrounded by those I hate. From this agonizing hunger. From this beast which lurks within me. Give me solace. Give me love. Give me mercy.

Give me death.

I live for you. Only you. For four long years I have resisted and clawed against this unbearable urge, fighting tooth and nail, just so I could glimpse your face once again. And I did. It finally happened. I finally saw you, out on the inhuman wreckage of the battlefield. For the first time in such a long time, I saw you. You-in all your beauty, your fierceness. In all your luminous, ethereal glory. And you stuck a knife in my heart. Almost quite literally. The irony of it was not lost on me.

Sometimes I wish you had cursed me that day.

But if you had, then I would not have this chance. The chance to see you again. I will find you. As I walk through these desolate streets where no sun can reach, all my thoughts are fixated on you. I want you. I love you. And if I am honest-

-I want to devour you.

The thought stops me in my tracks. I try to shake this unspeakable notion, but it's there, its red eyes glowing in the darkness, waiting to pounce. I don't want to acknowledge it, but that doesn't make it any less real. My hunger and my desire are ruthlessly intertwined. I cannot part them. I say to myself that I would never allow this ugliness to touch you, but this is illusion, delusion, futility. This is madness. _I don't want to_ , I repeat to myself, _I don't want to_ …

Stop.

Listen.

To the dark...

To the truth...

The truth: I _do_ want to. More than anything. The moment I saw you on that battlefield I decided. My mind was made up. That's why I tried to steal you away. I told you I did it because it wasn't safe. What a joke. As if going with me would be _safe._ I am so far from safe it is ridiculous. Laughable, even. I tried to steal you away like a thief in the night, like the precious jewel you are, but you resisted. _No_ , you said. You had to go back to your friends. You had to save them. You rejected me. You fled from my embrace, which was probably the smartest thing you could ever do. It hardly matters though. Because I will not give up on you. On _us_. I will find you again. I will not be denied-not a second time. And heaven help anyone who gets in my way, because I will cut them down like the inconsequential weeds they are.

You see-my love for you knows no bounds.

There's moonlight ahead. I'm coming to the exit, to the way out. I walk forward a few steps and I emerge from this metal and concrete tomb, this holding cell, into a different kind of darkness. _Human darkness_. The sky above is alive with a million twinkling stars, alive and pulsing, like the blood in your veins. I look at it and wonder: Did it always look like this? Was it always so intensely beautiful? I've been underground for so long it's hard to remember. I look at the stars and I think of your face. Your face-more beautiful than any star up in the sky. I think of your face, and I whisper to myself, "I'm coming for you." And I march forward, denying both the truth and the lies. I deny it all, and simply move forward.

 _Here…_

 _Now..._

 _Yu, I am coming for you..._

(To be continued)

Next up: Yu


	2. Yu

We Devour

 _Yu_

Kill them all.

Kill all the vampires.

That's all that matters.

Revenge-it's like oxygen to me, as easy to breathe in as air. It's my sustenance. My bread, my water. My _raison d'etre_ , as Guren once told me (that's supposed to be French, but I don't know, I was never any good with languages. One doesn't have to be good at languages in order to kill vampires) _._ Revenge is what gets me up in the morning, makes me put one foot in front of the other, gets me out the door. It puts the sword in my hand and the untethered rage in my heart. Revenge is my entire reason for existing.

Well, it was. Up until now.

For years, I avoided people. I simply couldn't stomach the idea of being close to anyone ever again. I had lost too much, you see. The thought of losing someone I cared about again made my stomach cramp up and my heart race just a few paces too fast. So I avoided people all together. It certainly made it easier for me to focus on my goals. To make it into the elite vampire extermination squad. To kill the vampires. To get my revenge.

Revenge is easier with other people out of the way.

Other people make things messy. They cloud your judgement, interfere with your focus. They bring emotion into things. Places where emotions have no business being. Like out on the battlefield. In combat. In death.

It's hard to dole out death when you're being all touchy-feely.

Death is easy. At least when it comes to vampires. I can slay those pointy toothed suckers all day long. People, humans: they're more difficult. They're hard to read. They keep secrets. They worry, they fuss. So full of emotion. I wanted to avoid that, but in the end I couldn't. And it's all stupid Guren's fault. He made me care again. He made me go out and make friends. _Tch._ Friends. Like I need those. Who needs friends when all you want to do is kill vampires?

Turns out, I do.

 _Your squad is your family,_ Guren said to me. And I actually listened to him. I took what he said to heart. Shinoa, Yoichi, the others-they are my new family. With them, I can move forward with my life. And why shouldn't I? I have friends now. I have purpose. I have hope. Is it so silly to think that maybe I could start looking ahead, instead of looking behind. Finally, I can have a future, completely unclouded by the past. Because things are changing. Things are coming together for me. The past-it can finally be buried. I can at last shake off the cold, clammy grip of the past like so much bad mojo. _I can finally let it all go._ And I did, I wanted to let go of it so much, and maybe I could have if the past hadn't grabbed me-not with cruel, icy guilt-ridden hands-but instead with hands that were full of love and desperation, clothed all in white, reaching out to embrace me on a bloodstained battlefield. Out in the last place I expected to find it.

To find _you_.

I couldn't believe it was you. I still can't. As I look out the window of my dorm room, at a sickle-shaped moon that keeps darting in and out of the clouds like a child playing hide and seek, I think of you. Of what you mean to me. What you _meant_ to me. Your feathery blond hair and your summer sky eyes. A new vision of you to replace the old one: of a young boy lying in a pool of blood on the floor, telling me with your last breath to flee, to run. _Run, Yu. Don't let our deaths be meaningless._ It is for you that I want to kill all the vampires. To make them suffer. To make them feel all the pain and agony that I felt on that day-the day they took you from me. It is for you that I want revenge. For that boy lying in a pool of swiftly spreading blood, running red over the floor like a medieval tapestry. But that boy-he doesn't exist anymore, does he? That boy didn't die there, on that cold marble floor. There is a new boy, a new you, to replace the old. That boy is dead, yet not dead.

I don't know how I feel about the new you.

You are not human. That is obvious to me. You are more angel than anything else-a golden haired seraph who wanted to speed me away from that wretched battlefield. But I couldn't go. You are a stranger to me now. I look into your eyes and I don't see the boy I used to know, the boy who encouraged me to dream of freedom, who gave me a weapon and told me that I would need it to kill the vampires. But, how am I supposed to do that now? Huh? How can I kill the vampires, _all_ the vampires, when you yourself are one of them. What am I supposed to do with that? What does this mean for us?

I am torn. Shinoa says there is no way to turn a vampire into a human again. But I can't allow myself to believe that. Because if I believe that, then that means I have to give up on you. On _us_. And I don't want to do that. Because if there is no way out for you, then there is no way out for me. You see, I am duty bound to follow orders, to protect my squad. To protect my family. Even if that means sacrificing you, my beloved, bloodsoaked angel. And I don't want to do that. To even think about doing that sends a chill up my spine that freezes me to the core. Freezes me like the day I stumbled out in the snow, away from the underground city, your dying words in my ears and your name upon my lips. I don't want to think about my options, because they are as dark as the night outside my window. I don't want to think about the choices ahead of me, because those choices aren't choices at all.

You are breaking my heart all over again.

My hand unconsciously grasps the hilt of my sword, the same sword that I ran you through with on the battlefield. The look on your face in that moment could have shattered me into a million little pieces. Disintegrated me. But I'm not so fragile now. I am strong. Because my family needs me to be. And you-you _are_ my family. One way or another, my war-torn angel, I will save you. This I vow to myself. Nothing will stand in my way. We are fated, you and I, and nothing will stop me. I say to myself, to the stars outside, to the moon in the sky: _I will save you, Mika._

One way or the other.

I will save you.

Even if it means death.

 _Next up: Coming together!_


	3. Coming Together

We Devour

 _Author's note: Thanks so much for the reviews! They motivate me to write faster, so I finished this chapter early! I hope you enjoy it!_

 _Mika_

I walk under sporadic shafts of moonlight. There is a rumble of thunder in the distance. Very few lights dot the building where you live, the rows of darkened windows like a mouth full of broken teeth. I walk in calculated silence, making my way to you undetected. I shouldn't know where you live but I do. You see, Lord Ferrid knows many things. I think he has spies amongst you. And my relationship with him hasn't changed much through the years: I steal information from him and he pretends not to care. I don't dwell too much on why he has this information. It doesn't matter, because now it belongs to me.

Finding you is all that matters.

I jump to one of the upper balconies, landing silent as the grave. Your window is up above me, a golden beacon guiding me like a lighthouse through treacherous waters. I hesitate before I jump again, a sudden moment of doubt clouding my heart. What if you don't want to see me again? Or worse…

What if you don't love me? Or…

What if you _hate_ me?

I despise what I've become. And there's no reason you shouldn't too. So I hesitate, staring at your window like a lovelorn Romeo, because it's so hard to have faith. To have hope. To believe. To think you might still care for me, my black-haired angel. After all this time. After all I've done. After what I've _become_. I've fallen so far, yet your light still calls to me from above, beckoning me through this darkness. _The darkness in my heart._ You must know I would fight for you, my beloved angel, crossing land and sea and hell to find you. Through fire. Through water. Through pain and darkness. Whatever it takes. Because I love you.

 _I love you._

So I leap to your window ledge.

 _Yu_

I throw my uniform jacket on the bed, because I'm feeling too lazy to hang it up. Thunder rolls outside my window and there is the scent of electricity in the air. A storm is coming. I sit at the foot of my bed and lean down to untie my shoes, when a flash of lightning dazzles my eyes. A shadow falls across the floor. Another flash of lightning and my head snaps up, staring at the window. There, a figure is outlined by the sudden flash, a wraith shrouded by the darkness, wearing a heavy cloak. I jump up from the bed and go to the window. There is nothing, nothing but darkness now. I raise my hand to the glass, hesitating. I call out to the unanswering night:

"Who's there?"

No one answers, of course. Maybe I am imagining things. Maybe it's a side effect of the coma I was in for seven days. Maybe I'm too on edge. Maybe, but-

-I raise my hand to the glass, touching it. And I swear I see a face, not my own reflection, but a different face-

 _"Mika?"_

Impulsively, I reach out and push open the window. Lightning flashes, blinding in its whiteness, and for a few precious seconds an image is revealed before me…

"Mika!"

 _Mika_

You fling your window open in invitation. My name rolling off your lips is like sweet music to my ears. Your fiery green eyes reflect lightning flashes, electric and fierce. The heavens open up and the rain finally falls in a dark, sweeping curtain. You reach out and grab the front of my cloak and pull me inside. I allow myself to be pulled like a magnet, never taking my eyes off your face. Your mouth is open, your eyes are wide with shock and surprise. I find myself staring at your open mouth, your lips. So tempting, so inviting. I feel a different kind of hunger overtake me, drawing me forward.

 _Drawing me to you._

Inside, my mind is a dark torment of conflicting thoughts. I feel so much: the desperation of love, the need to protect, the press of distant memories. But the illicit creature I am inside also makes me feel other things: hunger, need, jealousy, violence. I want you. And now here you are, within my grasp. I think of that group of simpering humans surrounding you and a feeling of jealousy spikes inside me that is so strong that I find myself gripping your shoulders, holding you in a death grip. _No!_ the coiling creature inside me screams, _He is mine! Mine to claim! Mine!_

 _No!_ I contradict. _I'm here to save him! I love him!_

Dark laughter reverberates inside my skull. _Stupid boy,_ the voice with the glowing eyes says, _We do not save. We claim. We thirst. We take._

 _We devour…_

 _Yu_

The intensity in those blue eyes is almost enough to send me reeling. My bodily instinct is to pull back, to close the window, but then the rain starts coming down and I reach forward and pull you in like a lost lamb from the storm. You stumble forward and you put your hands on my shoulders and I can feel the sparks practically flying off your fingertips. _Electric._ I can't stop staring at your face. The tense jaw line and striking sapphire eyes. The feathery blond hair, now damp and smelling of rain. _So beautiful._ Were you always like this? Or are my memories deceiving me? Was it the magic of puberty? Or was it because of something else?

 _Was it because you are a vampire?_

All I know is that you're gripping my shoulders hard enough to hurt, and there is a hunger in your eyes that should send me scrambling for my sword. But I don't move. I stay frozen like an ice statue, like a gazelle being stalked by a lion in the brush. I am not afraid. Not of you. Not of this. Your name passes my lips in a whisper, in a question: "Mika?" I lift my hand and touch the wet hair, drawing it back from your face. I refuse to be afraid, because you have always been everything to me: my driving motivation, my reason for living. You are the boy who gave his life for mine. The boy who saved me. I couldn't deny you anything, anymore than I could deny my own need to breathe, to eat. _Anything you want, it is yours._ My hand moves down your face, to your trembling jaw. I stare at your lips, so perfect in their shape. I feel my own lips part then…

 _Mika_

...I look at your parted lips, the hunger inside me raging, demanding to be released. The beast within me rankles and hisses, clawing its way out. I ignore it. Instead, I focus on you, your fiery green eyes and your wild black hair. I focus on us, just the two of us, standing in the eye of the storm. You say my name and put your hand on my face and I lean into your touch like a freezing man seeking a fire. Your fingers are hot on my cold damp skin. I whisper your name and I lean down to claim your lips with my own, and it's like stealing fire from the sun, like touching an open flame. Your hands caress my face and it's like I've awakened from a nightmare and fallen into a dream. The kiss deepens and my hunger stirs and everything is catching fire, burning. I pull back and I say, "I want you."

 _Yu_

Your kiss sends shock waves down my spine, sends sparks of electricity dancing along my every nerve. Lightning flashes behind you, wreathing your hair in a golden halo. _My desperate angel._ I feel the hunger in your kiss, the need, the passion. The instinct to devour. It's intoxicating. I should run but I don't. I should push you away but instead I hold on tighter. I tell myself I am strong enough to take this, to take you. I want to give you everything. I know I shouldn't but I do. And when you pull back and whisper to me, "I want you." I answer in the only way I can:

"Yes..."

 _Next up: We earn our M rating!_


	4. Coming Together II

We Devour

 _Yu_

I pull at your arms, walking backwards towards my bed. I feel reckless, impulsive-like I always do, but different. This is more than dancing with danger, this is dancing with desire. And unlike on the battlefield, my moves are hesitant, unsure. I want you, but even more importantly, _you_ want _me_. The heat of your want is so intense, it could scorch the walls of this very room. I look at the fire in your eyes, and it's like a dangerous blue flame that would engulf me whole, if I let it. (And I think I will let it.) I sit down on the edge of my bed, and I pull back your cloak with my hands. I see my own fingers trembling. I go for your sword belt, but then your hands suddenly grab mine and I gasp and look up and-

 _Mika_

-I grab your hands and push you backwards on the bed. I kiss you roughly while holding onto your wrists and I feel you give beneath me like a dune of soft sand, pliant yet diamond hard. I claim your lips over and over again, and your own lips meet my every parry. "Yuu-chan," I call you, just like when we were children. But we aren't children anymore. I am a monster and you are a man. And I want to devour you whole.

"Mika," my name escapes from between your swollen lips, low and urgent. I break for just a moment to stare at your beautiful face, pupils blown and your hair sticking out wildly in every direction. I've never wanted anything more in my life. The green in your eyes are alight with two very real emotions: desire and fear. It is the second emotion that makes me sit up and turn away from you. You are beauty incarnate, but what must I look like to you? Slitted pupils like a cat and fangs pressing wantonly against my lower lip, unbidden. I am a vampire. I am a monster. How can you stand to even look at me?

"Mika?" I feel your hand on my arm, squeezing.

"We shouldn't be doing this, Yu. I am a monster. I could hurt you...or worse."

"You could never hurt me, Mika."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

"I'm a monster. Just another ugly vampire."

"You are the most beautiful creature I've ever seen."

"No."

"Yes."

And you kiss me just as hard as I kissed you, and I can feel the strength, the lust surging through your body. I twist around, pushing my hands into your tangle of hair. I know I shouldn't do this, but…

 _Yu_

-I know I shouldn't do this, but I do it anyway. The back of my mind is sounding an alarm of danger, but it only adds an extra element of excitement, a new dimension to the kiss I force on you. _A_ _spiciness to the dish, a bitterness to the sweet_. You turn and you rake your hands through my unkempt hair, pulling, claiming. I know that you can overpower me at any moment and the possibility sends a thrill of electricity down my spine. I lie back on the bed and pull you with me. I feel you hesitate again and I ask you, "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me."

"You don't know that."

"I do."

And then impulsively, I grab your sword belt and unclip it and drop the sword itself to the ground with a heavy _clang!_

 _Mika_

My sword hits the floor, clattering against the tile. My eyes widen with surprise as you take the belt and begin to loop its length around my wrists. You're pulling me forward, winding me in like a fish on a hook (I am a fish on a hook). I can't take my eyes off the fierce, determined look in your eyes. I thought I was claiming you, but maybe I've gotten it all wrong. Maybe it's _you_ claiming _me._

And as I let you tie the belt to your bed post, knotting me firmly into place, I think maybe I've been wrong about something else, too.

Maybe it's I who should be afraid of you.

 _Yu_

You would never hurt me Mika.

Still, if you need the illusion of safety then I will give it to you. But I will also give something to myself: this image of you, all beautiful and blond and submissive and bound like a present on my bed. You don't know how many times I have dreamt of this. You don't know how magnetic you are, how preternaturally beautiful. You dwarf every mortal around you with your mere presence. Every vampire. _Everyone_. You call yourself ugly. Stupid Mika. How can you not know what a treasure you are, how insanely captivating you are? How blind are your vampire eyes?

Well, I will make you see.

 _Mika_

You pull the belt clasp firmly into place and lean down to softly touch my lips. "Mine," you whisper by my ear, and the sound thrills along my every nerve, igniting every synapse. Restrained, I try to kiss you again, but you pull away, moving to straddle my legs. There are secrets, wicked intentions in your eyes and the knowledge makes me groan and struggle vainly in anticipation. Your hands caress along my outer thighs, but your eyes never leave my face. I never knew such torture could be so sweet. "Yu, please," I growl submissively, even though it's against my nature. I am going mad with desire; I am ravenous with hunger. I'm so hard for you I could explode like a star going supernova. "Please," I say futilely again.

"Shh. Don't make me gag you, too." Your deliberate, inching fingers are moving across my chest, marching for the stronghold of my buttons. One by one, they fall to your assault. Each open button is followed by the press of your mouth, your tongue, warm and hungry and licking traces of fire across my skin. _Scorched earth policy._ I writhe and moan under your careful ministrations, until finally your hands reach the zenith, the top of my pants, and you start undoing the clasp there. I squirm as your breath touches my bare skin. I pull at the improvised restraints, both my cock and my fangs elongated and hard, and both demanding equal satisfaction. I feel the animal inside me thrashing, chafing against its bonds, both real and imaginary. The bed post creaks threateningly. I don't know how much longer I can restrain myself. All I know is that I want you. I want you and I must have you, right now. I can't hold back. I can't. It's too much-

 _Take him! Have him! Devour him!_ The thing inside me hisses.

 _No!_ I mentally answer it, trying to quell the internal conflict raging inside my body.

 _Yesyesyes! So hungry, so hungry!_

 _No!_

 _Yes!_

The belt suddenly snaps under a flash of lightning and I lunge forward, fangs ruthlessly bared-

 _Yesssss!_

 _To be continued..._


	5. Torn apart

We Devour

 _1st Author's note: To everyone who wanted this to be a happy fic., you might not want to read this chapter. So consider yourself warned. That said, if anyone wants some happier smut from me, feel free to pm me with a request and I might can hook you up._

 _2nd Author's note: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, or put this on alert. You are an inspiration._

 _Yu_

There is only the illusion of safety.

 _Only an illusion._

I decided to play with fire, to invite in danger, knowing the risks.

 _I was so stupid, so foolish..._

And now everything...everything is burning.

 _Mika_

 _It's true what they say, you can't go home again._

I hear the rain falling in big heavy drops. So close to my ear.

The smell of blood is in the air. Dark and metallic and sickeningly sweet.

The rain falls _plop-plop-plop_ and it's as loud as thunder. As red as poppies.

 _As red as poppies._

I look down and see blood falling fast and thick from the blade stuck in my chest. _Just like before._ I want to laugh at the irony, but all that comes out of my mouth is more blood, the sound wet and gurgling. Drops of blood fall like rose petals, staining the coverlet. I hear you saying my name over and over again like a catechism, but I can barely hear you over the loud _plop-plop-plop._ It's deafening. Roaring.

See, I wasn't wrong. I knew _I_ was the one who should have been afraid of _you_.

 _Yu_

The blood is everywhere. On your mouth. On my neck. On the covers. Everywhere. Yours and mine.

I look at you and I try so hard to see the boy I used to know, the boy who gave his life for me. But that boy is gone and the only thing left in his place is this monster who wants to rip my throat out. (It almost did rip my throat out.) But my reflexes are fast and my instincts are sharp and my sword was near at hand. I ran you through. But now I'm looking at your eyes and I'm saying your name over and over:

"Mika, I'm so sorry. So sorry, Mika. Mika…"

 _Turn back, close the window._ That's what my instincts told me.

I should have listened.

But I didn't.

And now I can't take it back.

 _Mika_

You are saying my name over and over and there is an edge of hysteria creeping into your voice. I look at your face and rasp, "Yuu-chan," and I see a little boy, aged twelve, stubborn and brave and fierce. You are and have always been everything to me. That part has not changed. But you have. You grew up. You grew stronger. You found a life. And people to care about you.

And I stayed the same.

I never moved on.

I hate my life.

I hate what I am.

And now I can cast aside all the lies and admit to you what I really want: I want _you_ to save _me_. "Save me," I rasp, clutching your blade with a bloodied hand. I want you to do it. I want you to put this all to rest. "Do it, Yu." I angle the steel in deeper. _Stick in the knife_ _and_ _twist the blade._ "Finish it." I beg you with me eyes.

 _Yu_

 _I see a little boy lying in a pool of blood. He tells me to run, to be free. To not let his sacrifice be in vain._

 _I see a little boy…_

I see a monster lying on my bed in a pool of blood and it is begging me with this little boy's eyes for me to save him. To kill him. To set him free.

 _I see a little boy…_

I see my comrades standing around me in the mess hall. Yoichi, Shinoa, Kimizuki, Mitsu. They are laughing and teasing me about something stupid I did. I see my comrades, my family, standing before me, and I want to weep. You see, I promised to protect them. To kill the vampires for them. For them, and that little boy lying in a pool of blood.

 _Kill them all._

 _Kill all the vampires._

This is my promise.

 _Mika_

"You are everything to me. Everything." Blood gurgles, sputters. "I can't go on like this. I will kill you. Please, you have to…"

"No."

"Yes."

Tears are rolling down your face, running like a river, joining the eddies of blood on your jaw, your neck. _Still so beautiful._ You hesitate, your hand still on the hilt, even as I drag it in deeper.

"Yuu-chan, please…"

 _Yu_

 _"Yuu-chan!"_

 _There is a little boy dressed all in white running towards me from over the bridge. He is smiling and his smile is the brightest thing inside this sunless world. His bright, bell-like voice tinkles with laughter. I wave and call your name, turning to greet you. "Yuu-chan, come home!" he says as he walks towards me. "We're all waiting for you!"_

 _You waited for me but I never came back._

 _You see, you can never go home again._

There is a roar and you lunge forward with your teeth bared and blood flies like spittle. I know your gambit and I bend backwards, awkwardly taking your weight. "Mika, no!" Your hands are as lethal as claws, flailing at my throat. I'm crying so hard your face is a blur in front of me.

"Mika!"

 _Mika_

There are some moments you just can't recapture. They slip like water through your fingertips, like dream fragments fading fast beneath a rising sun. No matter how hard you try, you can't get them back. It's a fool's endeavor. And I've been a fool. Sometimes all you can do is flail against the current, howling in impotent rage. Some things are simply lost; some things aren't meant to be found again. You can try to replicate the past, down to the last detail, but then you find the feelings that the situation once invoked have changed. Have irrevocably altered. Have gone away. _Just like you._ The feeling is what is most important, and it is the one thing you can't get back.

 _Can't get back…_

"Yuu-chan, save me."

 _Yu_

 _"Yuu-chan, save me."_

A little boy lying in a pool of blood is calling my name, is asking me to rescue him. I know this boy and I would give him anything, anything his heart desires. Anything. Even death.

 _"Yuu-chan…"_

Even death.

Crying, I twist in the blade and activate the curse.

 _Mika_

 _You are twelve and running towards me through a field of poppies. A field that never was. You are laughing and the sound is like music and I take your hands and twirl you in a circle._

 _"What are you doing, Mika?"_

 _"What does it look like, Yuu-chan? We are dancing."_

 _"Dancing?" Your green eyes are filled with laughter._

 _"Yes. Dancing..."_

 _Yu_

It is finished.

The past has finally been put to rest.

I can finally move forward with my life. I can look ahead, instead of looking behind. I can move on, fighting for my new family, for the people who love me. There is no turning back. I cannot look back. Because if I do, then I will see a little boy in white calling my name, asking me to come home. _"Yuu-chan…"_ I will hear him calling my name, from the darkness, and there will suddenly be a catch in my throat and a veil of tears obscuring my eyes.

 _And I will…_

I will shatter like a heart of glass into a million little pieces...

The End


End file.
